


Triggered

by MsMeiriona



Series: Triggered [1]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Self Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-12
Updated: 2012-11-12
Packaged: 2017-11-18 12:45:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/561207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsMeiriona/pseuds/MsMeiriona
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being locked up by Ruby, well meaning or no, is not in any way the ideal situation for a woman who spent the last 28 years as a captive. Spoilers for Child Of The Moon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Triggered

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. This is not a fun work. But then, what do you expect panic attacks to be? Warnings all around, this isn't happy for Belle.

Belle managed to keep her calm until Ruby was out of the building. Until she was certain that the wolf-girl wasn’t going to change her mind. Then the bravery vanished.

 

At first it was just her breathing becoming shallow as she tugged at the chains. No good, of course. They were meant to hold the wolf, what good would a human do trying to break them. Still, she tried, wrenching her arm, feeling the metal bite into her wrist.

The blood was pounding in her ears now, and Belle wasn’t sure where she was any more, only that she was chained, captive, unable to run unable to breathe. She wanted to scream but the sound caught in her throat, choking her further.

 _No. No! This isn’t supposed to happen again. I’m supposed to be safe._ Her thoughts were flashing by as fast as her heartbeat.  _What did I do wrong I’m going to die they’re going to kill me I was wrong they locked me away again I should have run oh gods._

She was crying now, silent sobs that shook her body as she threw her weight against the chain, surely bruising her arm, but too far gone to even feel that pain. Her tears were going to drown her.

 _I don’t want to die please. Anyone._  She couldn’t stand any more, her legs gave out beneath her, and Belle felt the manacle at her wrist wrench her arm behind her back.

She still couldn’t breathe, her vision was swimming. Her free hand tried again to break the manacle, only succeeding in breaking a nail. It wasn’t working. Belle knew it was too much to hope for that she could break free.

Her hand. Maybe she could cut it off. She’d seen animals in a trap escape by gnawing off a paw. Better to live than let them kill her. There had to be something sharp.

There was a howl from outside. The wolf. It was coming to kill her. That was why she chained her up. No one here really cared about her. It was all a trap. They just wanted to trick her into thinking she mattered so that her death could be more of a cruel joke.

She was able to reach a pencil. Hardly sharp enough but she didn’t have many options. Maybe if she carved at her wrist, the blood would let her slip loose.

_Hurry, hurry. Before they come back._

The point broke before her skin did, and Belle truly began to lose all hope. How long had she been chained here? A minute? An hour? She didn’t know. She didn’t care. She couldn’t see any more, was working by touch alone, scraping her wrist against the manacle, trying to get the blood to flow. She needed to slip free.

_It’s not working! I’m going to die. I’m going to die alone and stupid and afraid and captured again. I got captured again._

Her free hand and teeth together fought at her wrist, tears adding to the slight amounts of blood that were beginning to well from the poor bruised limb. She braced her legs against the wall and pulled again, hoping to slip free. Anything not to die chained.

There was a  **crack!**  And for a moment Belle thought she’d pulled free, but no, it was only the heel of her shoe snapping off. Her heart was beating too fast to distinguish the beats, and her breathing so shallow…

She lost consciousness for a time. It couldn’t have been long, she was still alive, still alone.

_Got to get out. Got to get free. Have to run. Not safe here. Not safe anywhere._

Her nails were ragged already. She was never going to be considered lovely by anyone, except perhaps as a lovely morsel to devour, or a pretty little ornament for their torture chamber. She allowed herself to be fooled AGAIN. Captive AGAIN.

No one could save her. No one would want to. The one person who might, no, two people who might, they would just want to cage her again to prevent anyone else from doing it.

Time lost all meaning as she alternately carved at her wrist, topside, she was still aware enough not to risk opening one of the larger veins, and throwing her weight against the chains. Slick with blood, sweat, and tears, she thought she was making progress. It seemed to be slipping a bit further now. She could do it. She just had to hurry. Before anyone came back to get her.

She had to escape before they could kill her. Her wrist was in agony. Finally, with what felt like the last of her strength, she made another lunge and felt something snap.

Not the chain. Her wrist. She’d broken it. The surging pain was enough to destroy all her sensible mind, and she began to wail and sob like a wounded child, curled in on herself, limp wrist above her head, slowly dripping blood from her gauges and teeth marks.

It could have been days later for all she knew, that she heard footsteps approach her.

“Oh, gods. Child what have you done?”  Even a gentle hand on her was not to be trusted. A trick. Always a trick. She screamed and kicked and flailed, screeching at the fresh wave of agony that brought, inhuman sounds issuing from her.

“It’s all right, girl, I’ll get you to the hospital.”

That was the wrong word to use. Even in her wild state, fear governing her every thought and action, Belle knew  _that_  word. Hospital. That was where the queen had locked her up. They wanted to give her back to the queen.  _Never_. She was never going back there. She would die first. Oh gods, she didn’t want to die, but she would before they brought her back to that cell.

The broken pencil was retrieved from the floor, and Belle began carving at her wrist again, now desperate to open the veins she’d so carefully avoided before. If the only escape was death, at least it would be one of her choosing.

The wooden stick was torn from her grasp and Belle screamed again, trying to bite at the hand that had taken her last chance at freedom from her. It didn’t do any good, the hand only gently patted at her face, doing nothing to bring a sense of humanity to those bloodshot eyes.

“David get down here, what the hell happened to this girl? She’s having some sort of fit. I need a doctor.” The voice that had mentioned the  _hospital_  was speaking to someone else, and Belle screamed again, throat aching like the rest of her.

She fought tooth and what remained of nail with the  _hospital_  voice, kicking and spitting and curling up tight into a ball. Panic gave her surges of hysterical strength every time something touched her, but she sagged at her bonds the moment it abated.

Two more voices, muffled, joined the  _hospital_ voice, and she screamed again, tugging at her broken wrist. They were going to kill her. She was going to die alone and chained and helpless and broken and it was all because she was stupid and trusting and got captured again.

“Belle!” She knew, dully, that it was her name being called by the new voices. One of the new voices sounded hurt. Were they going to make someone watch her die? She was going to make another person suffer because she was so stupid?

But her hand was free.  _Her_   _hand was free._  She scrambled at the ground, trying to crawl away, screaming when the broken wrist made contact with the ground.

Feet came towards her and she backed away, clutching her injured limb to her chest, shaking her head wildly to try and restore more vision than the narrow field edged by black. It wasn’t working. She was still choking, gasping.

“Don’t  _touch_  her!” The hurt voice said, and the feet halted. “Get the HELL away from her, and get Hopper. Now!”

Belle whimpered, but the feet retreated, and the hurt voice kept talking to her, softly, but not coming any closer. “Belle, it’s all right. You’re safe. No one’s going to hurt you again.” A hand reached out slightly, but stopped when she sobbed and scuttled back. “Belle, it’s me darling. Look at me.”

Belle was starting to think maybe she was free for good. She had to find a way to run. She couldn’t think. She squeezed her eyes at tight as she could. The door. Where was the door. Rocking back and forth in her little ball, she tried to remember which way the door was. She wanted her mother. She knew the woman was long dead, but she wanted her all the same.

A nervous voice broke into her thoughts. “What happened to her?” Belle started and curled up tighter around her wounded wrist, bathing it in her tears.

The hurt voice responded. “I think it’s some sort of post traumatic stress reaction. Regina locked her up, before and for the duration of the curse. Ruby didn’t want Belle following her tonight, and, well, you can imagine.”

The nervous voice came a bit close. “Belle, I’m Dr. Hopper. I want you to know you’re safe here. The chains are gone now. You’re going to be fine.”

Belle cowered at the word Doctor, but he didn’t seem like the ones she knew. Dr. Hopper kept talking to her softly, and her vision began to un-cloud. Gold. Rumplestiltskin. That was who the hurt voice was. He was crouched on the floor nearby, and the new man, this Dr. Hopper, was beside him. They both looked gentle and kind, and so very scared. For her?

“R-Rumplestiltskin?” She ventured, looking up from under her lashes.

“Hey there. Welcome back.” His voice broke on the words, and there were tears in his eyes.

“Hurts.” Was all she could manage in reply, showing the wreck of her arm.

Both men winced, and Dr. Hopper began to speak. “She’ll need medical attention, is there a first aid kit around?”

“No need.” Gold waved a hand and the pain vanished, leaving Belle weak as a newborn kitten, but otherwise unharmed.

“Forgot you could do that.” Hopper rubbed at his neck. “But still, she should be under observation for tonight.”

“What happened to me?” Belle was still scared, but not the mindless terror from before.

“Nothing that can’t be worked through, with time.” Hopper seemed uncomfortable, but Rumplestiltskin was smiling.

“Belle, we can get you set up for talking with Dr. Hopper as much as you need. But, he is right that you shouldn’t be left alone. Ruby probably won’t be back for the night, but I can call David if you want.”

Belle chewed on her lip, feeling silly for how reluctant she was to say this. “Could you, maybe, stay with me instead?”

Hopper began edging away, and Rumplestiltskin nodded, words seeming to fail him. He offered her a hand, and she stood, frowning at her broken heel, but she was able make it up to her apartment without another attack.

He sat up with her until she fell asleep.


End file.
